Sylvia Plath Study

2011-03-02T06:24:00.000-08:00

I wrote this a few years back about three poems by the author Sylvia Plath. The three poems are: "Facelift," "Fever 103," and "Insomniac."

In these three poems the poet's common theme seems to be along the lines of illness and age. It seems the poet felt aged and weak, and somehow unable to conquer her own self-inflicted ailments. In the poem "Facelift" it is obvious how she demonstrates one's thoughts about the surgery. She somehow relates it to death. "Darkness wipes me out like chalk on a blackboard. I don't know a thing." Again in "Insomniac" the poet makes references to illness, "He is immune to pills: red, purple, blue." Also she states how the subject feels the "daylight, his white disease." In "Fever 103" the speaker is "burning" in many instances. "The weak Hothouse baby in his crib," is again demonstrating the illness felt. "Radiation" being another form of burning and illness has now "turned it (leopard) white." There are also references made to "Hiroshima ash," where more burning has taken place.

Another common thematic point is the reference made to aging.In "Facelift," the poet is mkaing young the old: "I grow backward." Also, at the end of the poem the speaker refers to herself as "Pink and smooth as a baby." In "Insomniac," however, the poet makes reference to youth as a sad memory, "Over and over the old, granular movie Exposes embarrassments - the mizzling days Of childhood and adolesence, sticky with dreams." In the poem "Fever 103" the speaker is "too pure for you or anyone." And she also is "a pure acetylene Virgin. Attended by roses," giving herself, again, a pure, youthful sense.

Where Do I Begin?

2011-03-01T11:30:00.000-08:00

As a little girl, I often fantasized about adulthood (as many children do). Of course, I romanticized it and thought everything would be ideal; I would allow myself to do any thing I wanted to do without an "adult" ruling over me. But it was never about money, or fame, or a "perfect" wedding and family. It was always more along the lines of freedom. The freedom from judgement, my peers sneers and taunts. You see, I never enjoyed being a child when I was a child. Of course, now I look back and wish I had it to do all over again, but there is something about childhood and growing up with other children that I hated. I wanted to be accepted as I was, no expectations, no judgements. This did not happen, and I felt that as an adult I would be free from such treatment, and once I had my own family I would receive the unconditional love and acceptance I so craved as a youngster.
Fast forward 20 years. Now I am a wife and the stay-at-home mother of a 2 1/2 year old boy and a 4 1/2 year old girl. I am a former teacher, MOPS volunteer, friend, daughter, cousin, sister, grandduaghter...but the judgements I so earned to escape from have hit me full force in the face! They have magnified beyond any conprehension my 12 year-old mind could grasp. There is no escaping it. Life is a 24 hour a day job that I am constantly judged on. What time did I get out of bed? What clothes am I wearing today? How well do they fit? What did I eat for breakfast? What did I feed my kids for breakfast? Was I late for Preschool drop off? Was my daughter's hair messy or neatly brushed? Will my toddler throw a tantrum in Target? Will I give into his demands? Will I visit my grandmother in the nursing home? What will I eat/feed my kids for lunch? What "engrossing and educational" activities have I planned for my children this afternoon? Will I spend too much time online? Will I leave the TV on too long today? What will I cook for dinner? Will I get the kids bathed and in bed at a decent hour? Will I be able to get my 4 year old to stop sucking her thumb and her brother off the pacifier? Why didn't I breastfeed longer? Why don't I attend church more often? Why doesn't my son know the alphabet yet? Why doesn't my daughter recognize all the numbers yet?

The list goes on and on and on....

What I have decided is that this list probably doesn't matter to anyone but myself. People may notice my discrepancies here and there, but no one is writing them down and keeping stock of my life. They have their own problems and worries. Just as I had "endured" childhood, I will endure middle-agehood. Only this time, I have the mature mindset to realize that things won't get better in time, they will only change and warp themselves into a life totally different from the one I am currently living. Instead of waking up with worries, I will try to wake up with a clean slate. Life is about savoring the day, not holding onto past regrets and follies.

the bean and the butt

Sylvia Plath Study

Where Do I Begin?